Austin Fanzine Project

"If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer. I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose." --Deep Thoughts (Jack Handy)

"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." --Humphrey Bogart

"Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine." --David Moulton

"People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee alot." --Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." --Benjamin Franklin

"I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer." --Homer Simpson

"Not all chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer." --Dave Barry

"I drink to make other people interesting." --George Jean Nathan

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools." --Ernest Hemingway (in For Whom the Bell Tolls)

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." --Dean Martin

"Work is the curse of the drinking class." --Oscar Wilde