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"If you ever reach total enlightenment
while drinking beer.
I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose."
--Deep Thoughts (Jack Handy)

"The problem with the world
is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
--Humphrey Bogart

"Why is American beer served cold?
So you can tell it from urine."
--David Moulton

"People who drink light "beer"
don't like the taste of beer;
they just like to pee alot."
--Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
--Benjamin Franklin

"I would kill everyone in this room
for a drop of sweet beer."
--Homer Simpson

"Not all chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen,
for example,
there would be no way to make water,
a vital ingredient in beer."
--Dave Barry

"I drink to make other people interesting."
--George Jean Nathan

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk
to spend time with his fools."
--Ernest Hemingway (in For Whom the Bell Tolls)

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor
without holding on."
--Dean Martin

"Work is the curse of the drinking class."
--Oscar Wilde